BMW often is presented with unsolicited ideas for processes, patents, and ad copy. As are all large companies. Heck, my little sister wrote to a ‘large’ condiments manufacturer in the early ’60s and asked for squeeze bottle ketchup. Ha, that went nowhere!

Well, we’ve stumbled upon some ad copy that was to have been presented to the marketing arm of BMW in relation to their implementation of Connected Drive. Don’t look for BMW to take them up on this.

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INT. KITCHEN – MORNING

The husband comes into the kitchen, his Boss suit and open collar shirt strike the appropriate ‘hipness’ index.

The kitchen is composed of white cabinets, polished concrete counter tops, brushed nickel hardware on drawers and doors. Viking stove, Sub-Zero fridge. Impossibly beautiful and young wife, in evening wear, tends stove with precocious and incredibly cute/smart two year old at a glass top Parsons kitchen table.

MS – You’ll be late for you appointment.

MR – Yes, it’s a good thing I charged the car last night.

He wolfs down his quiche, pours a second cup of coffee into his Zojirushi travel mug and heads to the garage.

EXT. DRIVEWAY – SUBURBAN STREET – MORNING

Husband plugs in destination into connected drive. He pulls away from his appropriately trendy ‘cozy’ suburban home and hits the ring road. He consults the connected drive in his BMW i3 and finds that he did not charge the car last night. He is informed that he has an approximately 30 km range and he has a 27 km commute to his appointment.

MR. – Well this is a fine mess you’ve gotten me into.

BMW i3 – Don’t blame me, and why do you insist on me being voiced as David Hasselhoff? Would you like me to consider some alternatives to reaching your destination?

MR. – Yes, please.

BMW i3 – You will proceed to the inner ring, 5 km beyond that on High Street is the Summit Parking garage, I’ve reserved a space with a charging station and put it on your frequent flier card.

The car proceeds past the inner ring road, but 8 km before his destination traffic has backed up to a standstill. The husband has refused to follow the instructions of connected drive and finds himself faced with an angry swarm of vehicles.

MR. – Hal, what now?

BMW i3 – Take the next right – Turnip Street – in 150 meters. It will come up in three minutes at this pace. You will proceed to the All Union parking garage, 100 meters on the right. A space is reserved with a charging station. The space at Summit has been canceled.

MR. – I’m still 3 km from the appointment, and it’s forty minutes from now. Oh how could you do this to me!

BMW i3 – Get a grip. I’ve just purchased a day pass to the subway. The subway pass directions to the nearest station, the train to catch, and the station to exit at as well as directions from there to your
appointment have been uploaded to your phone. That will consume less than thirty minutes, you will be ‘fashionably’ on-time for your appointment. Now get me on the charger!!

Mr makes the right on Turnip, and the attendant verifies the reservation and helps Mr out of the car. Mr opens the document sent to his phone and, for a change, follows the directions given to him.

INT. ALL UNION PARKING GARAGE

The BMW i3 sits, plugged into the charging station, receiving sustenance.

BMW i3 – Ahhh!

FADE TO BLACK
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Sounds rather far fetched, but in reality this is closer to what Connected Drive will do for an i3 than what’s portrayed in the 10 Steps ad. Connected Drive is just that, it’s connected to its surroundings in order to get you where you need to be and not stranded. It will query intelligent parking structures, interact with public transportation, and be aware of the tactical issues of a commute (including a certain self-awareness from various external and internal sensors).

It will become more intelligent and more deeply integrated in the future. It will interact through displays in your car, and in your personal electronics. It will bring an interconnectedness that will be trans-formative. And we think trans-formative in a good way.